That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
