he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
