I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Hippo gnu deer
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
