dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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