Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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