The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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