I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
worst night to have a conscience
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
