Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
