People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
