cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The beers last night were like the tears from god
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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