The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize