Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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