who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
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