I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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