Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
