dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
