You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
