i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
