remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
