How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
