just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
