Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
