Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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