my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
