we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize