You were right. It hurts to walk today.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
