It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
