You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
