What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
