I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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