The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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