Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
