I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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