hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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