brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
