I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
