Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
