At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
