He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
