based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
