apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
