We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
