After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
