So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
