Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
