im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He passed out mid-signature
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
