Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
