My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
