I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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