Please, let me fuck your mom
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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