My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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