i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
