I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
