walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This is my gift to your gina
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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