every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I cut my penus on the lid.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
