My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
