great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Randomize
