im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
