i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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