Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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