I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
