Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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