no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
