I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
