He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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