this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
