I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
