I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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