Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
