would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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