...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
