So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
