how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
being pregnant is like rehab
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
