I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
well you can't waste a boner
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
