Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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