I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
