There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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