No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
