There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize